so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
please don't ironically join a cult
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