I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
