We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
