Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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