she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
