I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
