new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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