just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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