watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
