I wanna passion pit in your ass
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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