your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
