I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
