So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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