My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
