we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
