She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
did i just pee glitter
My vagina is very pro this idea
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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