Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
