So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
