my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
