I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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