i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
