I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
