Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
