his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
