I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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