She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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