When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
