We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
