he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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