sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
