the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
