the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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