just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
