We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
