I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
