Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
