Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
