your thong is hanging out like whoa
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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