Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
