Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
