shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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