Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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