My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
