sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
