i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
