Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Randomize
