The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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