i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
