yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
