Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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