i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
