Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
